Death came to visit me

We all have experiences with death. They are all uniquely individual depending on who died, and when. No matter what, death will affect you and it will impact and transform your life and everything you believe to be true.

This is the nature of death as it comes to us so illusive, and yet so everlasting.

My first experience with death was when I was seven years old. I had a cat named Salty who my mom told me had to go to the vet overnight. In the morning, I wanted to go visit Salty and my mom told me Salty had died. I didn't really understand what that meant, but I knew Salty was not coming back. Salty was gone, a memory in my young mind.

After that everything went back to normal. We had a dog so the dog replaced the cat in a way, and I forgot about the cat enough to just move on quickly. Death didnt seem all that bad, it seemed kind of normal and just something that happens.

Then, in March 2003, my grandmother died. I was 17 years old. I remember the day I went to visit her in the hospital room. She was lying there unconscious, alone and with breathing tubes. I was suprised to see her so lifeless. Shortly thereafter she passed.

That time, we had a funeral. We all went out on the boat to scatter her ashes. As my uncle began to speak, he told stories of his life with her and I burst into tears. I could not say a word about my grandmother as I had loved her so much that there were no words for a young 17 year old girl. I knew that my time in this life with her was over.

Shortly thereafter I experienced death again. My grandfather passed away in April 2005. This death however was different. I was in the room with him. He was at home and he took his final breath as my brother and I sat there with him watching. I had to turn away because I smiled so big! I felt so happy for him. I felt that he was now free of that burdened sick body lying there.

As I write this, I am now 36 years old. I have just helped my father die and he left me to care for my mother with Alzheimers. This has been a nearly 4 year process. It began when I was 32 and I will soon be 37. From 2018 to 2022, I have experienced death first hand. I have been like a miner seeking out a substance that he hopes he will not find.

At 36 years old I feel I can say that I have lived an entire lifetime due to this experience, and I have also been reborn. More to come in the next post...