Death came for my dad

I spent my 33rd birthday with my dad. He offered to have my car cleaned and waxed. He offered to take me to lunch at Tony's on the Redondo Pier while the car was being done. I enjoyed my time with him. But I still did not know he was dying. I now know that he knew. He knew he was dying for at least a year.

A few years ago, I dreamt my parents died together at Christmas. I woke up crying. I was only around 25 years old, but I knew one day this event would come. However, I did not know when and I did not know how. It has come and it has happened, however, the timelines were shifted by the choices my dad made.

I believe my dad knew he was dying. I know this to be true because I had a dream that he made a USB storage port for everyone in the family of all of the photographs he had saved in his computer for Christmas gifts. In my dream, he gave it to us because he knew he was sick and he was dying. Well in 2017, for Christmas he made sure that Brian and I were both going to be there, because he knew it might be his last Christmas.

My dad did not pursue any kind of check ups from the doctor, he did not pursue any kind of treatments. Looking back, I knew he was sick. I put up their Christmas tree pretty much on my own that year 2017. I saw my dad sitting in his chair and I thought he had passed that day. He was sitting there so still he looked as if no life was left in him. He was sick too. He was vomitting regularly and he was dizzy often. His avenue of treatment was to deny what was happening, and to not change. In fact the only thing he changed was upping his dose of Norco, a prescription opiate and drinking more and more whiskey.

In the summer of 2018 he met me often to discuss his finances, and he introduced me to his living will. I still did not believe he was dying. Somtimes he hardly ate when we met for lunch and he complained of having the shakes. I also noticed he had a lot of liver spots on his hands, his hair was falling out and he had psoriasis on his forehead. He did not look well. He was very weak.

I still did not know he was dying.

I remember vividly the day I knew.

I knew without a shadow of a doubt he was dying because I FELT DEATH IN ME. I had never felt death like that before. I had experienced my grandparents dying but this was different. This was a different kind of death. It was a death energy so indescribable that it will give you the shivers. It is cold to the bone.

I remember that day October 20, 2018. I went to bring my father breakfast. He had some things to "discuss with me" as he always said in the most serious manner you can imagine. He asked for me to rub his back as he was in a lot of pain. My mom used to do that for him. But she did not understand what was happening anymore with him. She no longer understood very many things due to her experience with Alzheimers.

I rubbed my dad's back and he told me about where the money was, who to call to talk to their estate lawyer, etc. I knew he was going. I felt cold to the bone. I left with the shivers. I had planned to run at the Redondo pier but that became a distant memory. I had to get outside and be alone near home. I came straight home and hiked for the first time, with no shirt on because I was desperate for the light of the sun to touch me and get the death energy OUT of me.

To be continued...